5 Reasons NOT to visit Zion National Park

#1. The scenery is quite dull.

We hiked for 30+ miles and all we saw were these massive rock faces, a rainbow of colors, and the 2nd longest standing arch in the world. Whatev.

#2. You’ll never have a moment of peace and quiet.

I mean, come on! I tried to take a nap in my hammock and was woken up 2 hours later by my husband. What was he thinking. Oh, also, when you scoot out onto a rock ledge surrounded by nothing but mountains and trees, the silence will be loud. Real loud. Never any peace and quiet in Zion.

#3. It’ll be the least fun you’ll ever have in your life.

If you’re looking to have even the tiniest bit of fun, don’t come here. Doing things like sneaking into hotel pools, making jokes having to do with digging holes for your poop, and playing ridiculous trail games is the pits. The worst. You’ll probably never talk to your trip mates again and they’ll definitely never want to go on another trip with you.

#4. You’ll be underwhelmed by the hiking trails.

Zion schmion. So what? Just because you have a hike that requires using chains and trekking up a narrow sandstone ridge, you think you’re the best? Just because you have another hike that takes places 100% in the water, you think you’re the bees knees? Hah.

#5. You’ll have to fight your way through crowds.

I swear, if 1 more person dared to walk into the frame of my pictures, I don’t know what I would have done. Can’t a person visit a park in all its natural glory without seeing a bajillion other people all doing the same thing? You should probably just stay home; no need to fight the crowds.

Disclaimer: I hope you picked up on the sarcastic tone of this post. As you can see from my photos, this was one of the most AHHHMmmmaaaazing trips we’ve ever taken and you should all go spend some time in Zion as well!!